


Folder Name: John H. Watson

by watsonholmes



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Epistolary, Fluff, Freeform, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Mind Palace, No Angst, Sherlock's Mind Palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watsonholmes/pseuds/watsonholmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Create New Folder<br/>Folder Name: John H. Watson<br/>Filed under: Flatmate<br/>…loading…<br/>Entry:<br/>>Ex- RAMC<br/>>Shot: Left Shoulder; invalided home<br/>>PTSD; psychosomatic limp-fixed<br/>>Crack-shot<br/>>Drink: Tea; Milk, no sugar<br/>>JUMPERS</p><p> </p><p>WINNER of fuckyeahteenlock and sherlockbbficrec's THE HOLMSIES for BEST EPISTOLARY OF TEXTING!FIC 2014</p>
            </blockquote>





	Folder Name: John H. Watson

**Author's Note:**

> Now in [Chinese](http://www.mtslash.com/thread-128509-1-1.html)! Translated by [maizi0522](http://www.mtslash.com/space-uid-102729.html)
> 
> Written for a prompt by Amateurlanguager on tumblr
> 
> Sherlock is constantly surprised by John. Constantly. 
> 
> Sorry if this turned out a bit different.

**Create New Folder**

**Folder Name: John H. Watson**

**Filed under: Flatmate**

**… _loading…_**

_Entry:_

  * Ex- RAMC
  * Shot: Left Shoulder; invalided home
  * PTSD; psychosomatic limp-fixed
  * Crack-shot
  * Drink: Tea; Milk, no sugar
  * JUMPERS



**John H. Watson**

**Filed under: Colleague**

_..loading…_

**_Last updated/visited: 5 days ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Doctor-General Practitioner (GP); local surgery
  * Classification changed from Flatmate to Colleague
  * Meals: often three times a day; Toast and jam
  * Dates tedious women
  * Mycroft-certified
  * Had a row with the chip and pin machine



 

**Create New Folder: “Friend”**

**Folder “John H. Watson” moved to Folder “Friend”**

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Friend**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: 6 days ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Dates: substantially lessened
  * Bedtime: varied
  * Meals: often
  * Likable traits: 
    * Has a gun
    * Makes tea
    * Restocks cupboards
    * Not easily upset by suspicious experiments
    * Translator for New Scotland Yard
    * Handles police statements
    * Buys chocolate digestives
    * NSY buffer
    * Mycroft buffer
    * Blog brings in cases
    * Caution: will retaliate when provoked 
      * Retaliation-Ways: shouts and threatens to use force
      * Provocation-Ways: experimentation without consent, asking for consent with experimentation, not eating for days, not sleeping for days, playing the violin at 1-5 am, running off without him
      * Note: list incomplete. Need more data
    * Note: notorious lip licker



 

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Friend**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: 1 day ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Does not bother to correct people assuming we are a couple 
    * Three opportunities to do so
    * Looks away every time
    * Need more data



 

**Create New Folder: “Possible Romantic Partner”**

**Folder “John H. Watson” moved to Folder “Possible Romantic Partner”**

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: an hour ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Need further analysis on last log: “Does not bother to correct people assuming we are a couple”
  * Lip licking is a constant distraction
  * Tea made by John tastes better than Mrs. Hudson’s
  * Jumpers provide adequate warmth
  * Note: To catalogue> John’s dirty blonde hair 
    * Ways: three easy scenarios to enact which would lead to cataloguing hair



 

**Detective Inspector Lestrade**

**Rename: DI Greg Lestrade**

**Filed Under: New Scotland Yard**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: 8 months ago_ **

_Log:_

  * First name: Gregory 
    * Information supplied by John Watson
    * Full name: Gregory “Greg” Lestrade



 

**Mycroft**

**Filed Under: Bane of my Existence**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: 3 months ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Lost 2 stones
  * Scheduled doctor’s appointment
  * Health issues from stress



**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: an hour ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Has not gone out on a date for 34 days



 

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: an hour ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Found: Tesco receipt one bottle of lubricant 
    * Note: Asking about this information might prove to be counter-productive with current plans with relationship changes with John



 

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: an hour ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Smell: Earthy and John 
    * The John-smell is not empirical data. It’s just John.



 

**Mrs. Hudson**

**Filed Under: Housekeeper / Landlady**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: 2 months ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Current favorite hiding spot for the skull: Left cupboard behind the special tea set used for visitors
  * Use of herbal soothers increase on Saturdays



 

**Create New Folder**

**Folder Name: Date Ideas to Enact**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

_Log:_

  * Google search results for: How to ask your straight male friend on a date? 
    * Inconclusive; full of inane people asking the same thing, answers given by non-experts
  * Google search results for: How to ask your male friend on a date? 
    * Steps found are designed for pubescent girls
  * Another try at Google search for: How to ask your straight male friend on a date? 
    * Found: <http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/54990-feelings-your-straight-best-friend.html>
    * Includes stories of regret and rejection
    * Some led to a falling out
    * Some led to acceptance but rejection
    * Conclusion: Higher chance of rejection as a romantic partner; need more data if a falling out would transpire; HIGH RISK



**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: two hours ago_ **

_Log:_

  * PTSD has not flared up for ages
  * Attraction to danger seems to heighten
  * Close calls make John angry 
    * Method of dealing with this anger: Yelling at me and threatening me
    * Conclusion: nothing new
    * Found mobile phone number inside a Tesco bag 
      * Presumably from another patron
      * Handwriting suggests female; profession: secretary—used to writing rapidly, pen her own, paper used: from a local law firm
      * Tesco visit was three days ago; John usually makes contact within two days after meeting potential dates
      * Conclusion: Not Interested



**Folder Name: Date Ideas to Enact**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

_Log:_

  * Google search results for: How to ask your male friend on a date? 
    * <http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-Your-Best-Guy-Friend-Out>
    * Worth giving a shot



 

**Execution:**

**Date Idea Step 1:**

  * **Act like you normally do around him.**  Being yourself is extremely important. Not only will he smell a rat if you start acting strange and weird, it'll probably put him on alert and possibly turn him off.



_“Tea?”_

_“Right. Good morning to you too, then”_

_“I meant, would you like some. Seriously, John.”_

_“What? You? Make tea?”_

_“Fine. This is useless, then. I’ll just pour this down the drain.”_

__“_ No, it’s not that, Sherlock. Thank you. It’s just that you never make tea. Unless… What did you put in this? Dammit, Sherlock.”_

_“I didn’t put anything in it. You made me promise, remember? It’s just tea.”_

_“Oh. Okay, then. Thanks. Just different…”_

  * **Step 1 and I messed up. Brilliant.**



_“It’s a good kind of different.”_

_“Oh. Good then.”_

**Date Idea Step 2:**

  * **Ask him questions about what he's doing on the weekend.**  He's your best friend. For all he knows, you might be suggesting a visit to the library together.



_“What are you doing this weekend?”_

_“It’s Monday. Err.. Nothing.”_

  * **So far so good.**



_“Why do you ask? Do we have a case?”_

_“No. We don’t. Why would you assume that?”_

_“Nothing. I’ll be off.”_

**Date Idea Step 3:**

  * **Get a little flirtatious!**  Here's where it begins to cross the divide between normal friendship and moving it up to the next level. Strike a few cute poses, twirl your hair a little and make eye contact. Biting your lip is cute, too. A few longer-than-usual lingering looks should be great. Give him sweet little smiles.
  * Tedious; John is used to me staring at him, studying him



___ _

_“Sherlock? Are you in pain? You’ve been biting your lip for a while now and it looks like it’s about to bleed.”_

_“So would it be safe to assume you were staring at my lips, John?”_

  * **John’s face slightly reddens from this type of teasing.**
    * Good



___ _

_“Oh God! What are you doing! You nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing standing in front of the bathroom door with that wicked little smile?”_

_“Nothing, John.”_

_“Bloody hell. You gave me a fright. Did you want to use the loo? You could’ve just knocked and told me to hurry up, Sherlock!”_

_“…”_

_“Something the matter? I’ve nothing but a towel on. Move. Stop staring. I gotta get dressed.”_

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/visited: 3 minutes ago_ **

_Log:_

  * John’s scar on his left shoulder has the most interesting pattern
  * Need to gather data as soon as possible
  * Need to map out the scar with fingers, to study the pattern 
    * John’s body is short but compact. _Perfect._



 

**Execution:**

**Date Idea Step 4:**

  * **Offer compliments.**  As a best friend, you already know things about him - make sure he knows that you  _appreciate_  some of those things you know about him. Don't overdo it - just be sensible



**Date Idea Step 5:**

  * **Ask him to a movie or something you both enjoy doing.**  If it makes you uncomfortable to call it a date, just ask him if he wants to 'go to the movies'. Congratulations, you've asked him out!



 

 **** _“That oatmeal coloured jumper. Where is it?”_

_“It’s still in the wash. Why?”_

__“_ I like it. It was the one you wore the first time we went out on a London chase.”_

_“Yeah, it was. Same jumper and same night when you fixed my limp.”_

_“Yes, John.”_

_“Will never forget that night. Especially since…”_

_“Since what?”_

_“Technically, I was right, and you were... less right?_

_“What was I wrong about?”_

_“Well, I got the taxi’s plate number. And you brushed it off then we chased the cab because you thought it was the passenger, not the cabbie.”_

_“Lucky guess, John. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get to catch who he was.”_

_“Yes. You figured him out, didn’t you? Who was it who shot him, again? I forget.”_

_“As valiant as your efforts are to tease me about that night, I would not want to turn you over for shooting a cabbie. Unless, you want to tell Lestrade?”_

_“But he wasn’t a very nice cabbie…”_

_“No. No, he really wasn’t, was he?”_

_“…”_

_“Starving?”_

_“Yes. In the mood for Thai. You make the call and I’ll pop something on the DVD.”_

_“Fine.”_

  * **Not sure if the movie counts as a date**
  * **Update: It was not**



 

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Possible Romantic Partner**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: an hour ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Another opportunity arose to tell people that John’s not gay and we’re not a couple.
  * Unlike the last four instances, John does not look away; instead he just smiles his small smile while shaking his head just a fraction
  * Need to decide whether to ask John on a date or trick him into having one



 

**Execution:**

**Date Plans**

_“John, I will be starving tomorrow night. Where would you like to go?”_

_“You haven’t eaten? Sherlock, I told you before, you have to eat!”_

_“That’s what I’m telling you. I am going to eat tomorrow, we are going to eat tomorrow. Now, John, where would you like to eat? Angelo’s? In the mood for curry? Thai? Chinese”_

_“Sherlock… err, fine. Feeling a bit like Italian. Angelo’s would be fine. Shall I call and make some reservations?”_

_“John, really? Preposterous. Angelo always has a table for us.”_

_“But it’s the weekend before Valentine’s.”_

_“What? Oh, people usually go out on dates, don’t they? No matter. I’m sure Angelo would be able to accommodate us.”_

_“Okay. Your call.”_

  * **Note: Call Angelo’s to make dinner reservations**



**…**

_“Ready?”_

_“Let’s go.”_

_“Did you really not eat for… three days?”_

_“Four. Yes. I had tea. Thanks to you.”_

_“Why am I not surprised? You need more than tea, Sherlock.”_

_“Yes, thank you, doctor.”_

_“Doctor. Yeah. I can’t even feed my flatmate.”_

_“You do loads more than just threaten to force feed me, you occasionally save my life, make Mycroft go away, explain the inane details to Lestrade, oh, yes, and make tea. Good man. I appreciate it.”_

_“Err... Sherlock?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“You’re not gonna die on me, are you? You suddenly say stuff like this, amazing stuff, but true stuff. Should I be worried?”_

_“Nonsense, John! Just saying the truth. What? I can’t tell someone how tolerable living with them has become? That they are not complete idiots, that---“_

_“Hold on, you were being nice just a second ago. Don’t ruin the moment, you git.”_

_“Well, I always do that, don’t I?”_

_“Yeah. But since we’re doing this mushy stuff, I like threatening you when you piss me off. And when you drag me to crime scenes, even when you tell Donovan and Anderson off when they’re being jerks. Oh, even when you trick me in to taking a walk but then going to the morgue. Yeah, those things you do.”_

_“I didn’t know you appreciated those things.”_

_“But that does not mean it’s okay all the time, you idiot. It’s fun but it could get exhausting.”_

_“Hence, this night out. Good  Italian food shared with great company.”_

**_. . ._ **

_“Ah! My favorite couple! Sherlock, great seeing you again, you didn’t have to make a  reservation, Sherlock. You are always welcome here. You and John, you always have the best seats here at my humble restaurant. John. Nice night isn’t it?”_

                        _“Yes, it is. Hey, I didn’t know you called in for a reservation.”_

_“Well, you told me, so I did.”_

_“Here you go. Candles, to make it more romantic. Valentine’s day is just a few days away, but with you two being busy, I understand why you want to have a night out in advance. Many customers here are doing the same, you know? Just call me when you’re ready. Remember, anything you want, no charge.”_

 

 

 

 

 

_**. . .**_

_“So, Sherlock, what are you going to order?”_

_“You’re gonna have the Chicken parmigiana, you’ve been craving it. I will have the Fettuccine alfredo. What about the dessert later?”_

_“Dessert?”_

_“Of course. Angelo would pick the best wine for our meals. So, dessert.”_

_“Okay, how about this, Tiramisu gateau.”_

_“Excellent.”_

**_. . ._ **

_“Sherlock,”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Is this a date?”_

_“What gave you the idea, John?”_

_“Oh, sorry. I just assumed. Well, you say that people shouldn’t assume things, they need to observe. Well, basically what I’m saying is, from what I have     observed, you acting all weird lately, and even attempting to do the shopping, and when I say attempt, it’s just that, you didn’t even make it pass the door when Lestrade texted. What I’m saying is, I suspect that what we are having right now is a date. God, I’m a complete doofus, you said you’re married to your work, I know. But, I just felt like it was. Maybe it’s because I haven’t dated anyone in three months that going out with your mate for dinner is a date. I’m rambling right now. Yeah, so if this is not a date I feel like a fool, if it is, I have made a fool of myself for asking. So yeah, is this one   or should I—“_

_“I asked you what gave you the idea, what tipped you off. Stop your inane blabbing. Yes. This is, in fact, a date. What ordinary people like those over there do. Is it not something you do when you would like to get to know a person better?”_

_“But a date is different, Sherlock. Besides, you knew almost everything about me in the first ten seconds after looking at me. A date is different, maybe you got it confused.”_

_“Impossible. I researched about everything I needed to know.”_

_“Researched? What do you mean?”_

_“If you must know, I researched how to tell if you are in love, or in my case, starting to; researched signs if the person you like is a good match for you, complete bollocks, that one; researched ways to tell someone you like them; researched the percentage of you still being my flatmate if ever you reject my intentions; researched how to ask a friend out on a date, which I am currently still on step 5 according to the site I used. I would have wanted to go to the last step, step 6 already, but seeing the movie night wasn’t considered a date, I planned this night to have a “proper” date with you. I also researched on   how to handle falling in love with a straight male friend, but I found it a bit upsetting so I deleted it.”_

_“You researched all that and…”_

_“What?”_

_“…”_

_“What?”_

_“I knew you’d catch on.”_

****

****

**_~~~~~~_ **

**Execution:**

**Date Idea Step 6:**

  * **Take it further.**  So, you want to make out? Take it easy! If he's a good one that's worth hanging onto, he's worth taking things really slowly with. Let this relationship grow and simmer a while. Good things take time. Be happy he's a best friend and make sure nothing rocks that. He'll still go to the ends of the earth for you as a best friend; don't mess that up.



_“So, you wanted this the whole time. You knew and you didn’t tell me.”_

_“I wasn’t worried.”_

_“How so?”_

_“The great Sherlock Holmes not figure something out? Impossible.”_

_“You give me too much credit, John.”_

_“No, not really. I’d like to think I give it where it’s due. And you caught on didn’t you? A bit slow on the uptake but you did it brilliantly. Managed to sweep me off my feet.”_

_“I’d like to do it quite literally”_

_“Come here.”_

**_~~~~~~_ **

_“I love you, John.”_

_“I know.”_

****

**_~~~~~~_ **

****

**Create New Folder: “Lover”**

**Folder “John H. Watson” moved to Folder “Lover”**

**John H. Watson**

**Filed Under: Lover**

**_…loading…_ **

**_Last updated/ visited: 2 minutes ago_ **

_Log:_

  * Preferences: 
    * “Big fan” of morning sex
    * Likes giving fellatio
    * Like receiving fellatio
    * Loves when I talk to him during intercourse
    * Loves my “deep velvety” voice
    * Movie night every other day
    * Dates during weekends
    * Enjoys make up sex
    * Enjoys angry sex
    * Enjoys giving hickies
    * Loves roaming my body
    * Immensely enjoys snogging on the couch
  * Need to catalogue each of John’s responses whenever and wherever I touch him
  * Mapped out John’s scar with fingertips and mouth
  * Need to further catalogue John’s scent
  * Need to alter John’s sleeping habits again to maximize time spent with me
  * Need to gather all data about Joh—



                        _“Hey, what are you up to? It’s late. You’ve been sitting like that for an hour now.”_

_“Just cataloguing.”_

_“Mind palace?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“What are you cataloguing, love?”_

_“You. Wait, you just called me love.”_

_“So I did. Cataloguing what, exactly?”_

_“Everything.”_

_“Coming to bed? Or tea?”_

_“Bed.”_

_“Great choice.”_


End file.
